


Never Half-Arse Anything

by blacktofade



Series: Eggpreg 2.0 [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Life, Mpreg, Self-Lubrication, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 02:59:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5075161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacktofade/pseuds/blacktofade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy thinks he might be pregnant, so he visits the Kingsman physician with Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Half-Arse Anything

**Author's Note:**

> No one can stop my eggpreg train to hell. I already have a verse over on [Tumblr](http://blacktofade.tumblr.com/tagged/eggpreg%20verse), but this is a different one because there will never be enough and writing this makes me so happy. Also, this is my way to destress from work, which is the best form of therapy I've ever found.
> 
> This will probably become a series in the future.

Harry’s talking to Merlin in the hallway outside his office at HQ when Eggsy finds him, his expression smooth, but shoulders tense. He waits for them to finish chatting before he steps closer and politely interrupts.

“Can I speak with you for a sec?” he asks Harry, shooting a quick smile at Merlin as though to apologise for intruding.

Harry nods at him and shares a look with Merlin.

“We can discuss the details later,” Harry tells him and Merlin nods and takes his leave, heading in the opposite direction.

With a wave of his hand, Harry directs Eggsy into his office, following after him, and shutting the door quietly behind them. Eggsy doesn’t take a seat, even as Harry moves around the desk to sit down; he just paces from one side of the room to the other.

“Is everything all right?” Harry asks, hands folded atop his desk, trying to exude calmness and pass it onto Eggsy, who seems agitated.

Eventually, Eggsy turns towards him, folds his arms, and says, “I’m wet.”

Harry blinks, glances at the door just to be certain that it’s shut, and then clears his throat.

“Pardon?” he asks and Eggsy unfolds his arms to rest his hands on his hips.

“I’m wet.”

For a brief second, Harry wonders if this is a new seduction tactic Eggsy is attempting—Lord knows he’s tried everything else in the three years they’ve been married.

“You’re wet?” he confirms and Eggsy nods. “As in—sexually ready?”

Eggsy nods again and sarcastically says, “Yes, Harry. As in it’s dripping out of me. Jesus Christ.”

Harry pauses to get his bearings and subtly scents the air. It’s true that there’s a hint of wetness to Eggsy, but it’s not overpowering, not like it would be during a heat.

“Is this an issue?” Harry asks and Eggsy throws his hands up, incredulously.

“It’s a massive fucking issue, Harry. If I’m wet, it means my suppressants aren’t working right, and if they’re not working right, it probably means I’m—” He cuts himself off and stares pointedly at Harry.

If Eggsy’s suppressants aren’t working correctly, it could mean that Eggsy is pregnant. Harry swallows and his gaze drops to Eggsy’s navel. He can't remember the last time they used protection. They still get tested every three or four months, but since they’re clean and monogamous, they just haven’t bothered with it. Eggsy happens to like messy sex and since Harry is loathe to deny Eggsy of the things he wants, it’s just the way things always are for them.

“How certain are you?” Harry asks gently and Eggsy rakes his fingers through his hair before clutching at it and staring at Harry with impossibly wide, emotion-filled eyes.

“I don’t know,” he says. “Are you mad?”

“Eggsy,” Harry says gently. “Why would I be mad.”

“I should have been more careful,” Eggsy counters and Harry frowns.

“It’s a two way street, Eggsy. I have just as much responsibility in this.” Eggsy lets out a ragged breath and continues staring at him, his eyebrows curved with worry. “I suppose now is as good a time as any to discuss in depth if we even want children.”

Eggsy finally slumps into the chair on the opposite side of Harry’s desk, his head dropping into his hands.

“Jesus, Harry,” he complains and Harry watches him in sympathy.

“I’m not sure if it helps the matter, but I would be more than happy to start a family with you, Eggsy. But I also won’t pressure you if you feel this isn’t the right time for it, or if you never want them.”

With his eyes, he follows the gentle rise and fall of Eggsy’s chest, unable to read Eggsy’s body language for once in his life.

“Shit,” Eggsy swears. “You make it sound so fucking simple.”

“It can be, if you’d like. Kingsman happens to have some of the best paternity leave around. I can talk to a financial advisor over how best to prepare for it, though I doubt we’ll have any trouble there. It’s really whether we both feel ready for it if it happens to be true.”

“Is anyone?” Eggsy asks, raising his head to meet Harry’s gaze. “No one is ever ready for kids, are they?”

“And how many challenges in life have you faced without so much as a blink? Look at everything you accomplished just becoming an agent here.”

“You helped with most of that,” Eggsy says and Harry levels him with a dark look.

“That’s not true and you know it,” Harry tells him. “You should be ashamed to even think it.”

Eggsy does look remorseful and Harry knows it was only a dirty tactic, not something Eggsy truly believes. He softens his gaze and stretches his arm out across the desk, offering his hand to Eggsy, who takes it without any hesitation. Harry squeezes it gently and shoots him an encouraging smile.

“I know you’re worried,” Harry continues softly. “We can sort this out in no time at all.”

“How do you suppose we do that?” Eggsy asks, sounding more than a little petulant.

“I would suggest we pay the medical team a visit and then I think we’d better take the rest of the day off and consider our options if need be.”

Eggsy goes a shade paler, but Harry suspects it’s at the thought of finding out the truth so soon.

“Now?” Eggsy asks, confirming Harry’s thought, and Harry nods.

“The sooner the better.”

“We could see if it just goes away—” Eggsy begins, but Harry cuts him off.

“Eggsy, your health is important to me, so you can either walk down there using your own two feet, or I will carry you bodily there myself.”

Harry’s threat isn’t idle, which Eggsy seems to know because he sighs heavily, pulls his hand out of Harry’s grasp, and says, “Fine. Whatever.”

Harry watches Eggsy push himself out of the chair and has a brief vision of him doing it when he’s rounder around the middle, when he’s clearly with child and things take much more effort to do. It’s a satisfying thought, one that sends a shiver of something electric down his spine and Harry stands up himself and moves around to press a hand to the small of Eggsy’s back, ushering him towards the door.

Harry has never been a patient man—perhaps his biggest downfall—and he wastes no time in getting Eggsy out into the hallway, walking him in the direction of the medical wing. The agency has had a recent lull in necessary missions, which means only a few of the medical staff will be there, mostly in case of an emergency. He suspects their visit may be the most exciting thing to happen to them in weeks.

In fact, when they step through into the room, two gazes fall upon them immediately and one doctor goes so far as to leap out of his chair. The other regards them cooly, her stare unwavering.

“Harry, Eggsy,” the enthusiastic doctor—Thomas—says in greeting. “Something the matter?”

“We have a private matter to discuss—off the record, if possible.”

That gets Thomas’ attention, and he sobers, his shoulders straightening as he gestures towards a smaller examination room off to the side.

“Of course,” he tells them. “Right this way.”

In the silence, the door shuts loudly behind them and Thomas waves his hand to invite them to sit in the identical chairs by the far wall. He remains standing, but folds his arms, staring at them expectantly.

“What seems to be wrong?”

“Nothing wrong,” Harry begins, “but we believe there may be a possible pregnancy.”

Thomas’ stare darts between them quickly before he says, “For—?”

“For me,” Eggsy pipes up. “Things are coming out of me that shouldn’t and I think my suppressants aren’t working right.”

“Blood or lubrication?” Thomas asks.

“Lubrication. At least, I’m pretty sure.”

“You haven’t checked?” Thomas asks and Eggsy shakes his head.

“Was more worried about what it might mean—either way.”

It’s true, Harry thinks. Neither would be a good sign.

“May I perform a quick examination?”

Eggsy glances over at Harry, as though looking for an answer, before he blinks and nods, already moving to stand up and unbuckle his belt.

“Are you alright with having Harry stay, or would you prefer for him to wait outside?”

“Stay,” Eggsy replies immediately, something that Harry is thankful for. He would go half mad if he had to wait in the other room.

“Okay, Eggsy. I’ll need you to drop your trousers and lean over the examination table.”

There’s a tinge of colour on Eggsy’s cheeks, though Harry doesn’t blame him as it’s not the most dignified exams to have done. Behind him, Thomas slips on a pair of gloves and waits for Eggsy to get into position before stepping closer. Eggsy jerks when Thomas’ index finger slips inside him, but even Harry can tell it slides in far too easily for Eggsy’s lubricant glands to not be working. Thomas makes a thoughtful noise before his eyes widen akin to surprise and he glances at Harry.

“You’ve split,” he says, turning his gaze back to Eggsy.

“ _What_?” Eggsy snaps, turning to look over his shoulder, his expression incredulous. “What do you mean I’ve split?”

“Your temporary birthing canal has already formed, Eggsy. Have you been feeling sore lately? Tired? It takes a lot out of person to grow these things.”

Harry swallows thickly. They haven’t had sex for two weeks because Eggsy had been complaining about being too sensitive. They’d blamed it on a particularly rough knotting session they’d had a few days prior and were attempting to let Eggsy heal before starting anything else. But Eggsy has also been sleeping in past ten in the morning most days—something that is almost unheard of with their regular schedule.

The signs were right in front of them—were practically banging their heads together—and they’d missed them all.

“I’ll still perform a pregnancy test to be certain, but I would also suggest an ultrasound.” Thomas slips his finger free, throws away his gloves, and waits for Eggsy to pull his clothes back into place. “I’d like to do that now, if possible, but if you need a little while to think about things, you can come back later in the week.”

To say Eggsy looks shell shocked would be an understatement. He may have known pregnancy was a possibility, but he clearly hadn’t truly expected it. He glances over at Harry as though looking for an answer, but Harry tries to keep his expression as neutral as possible.

“What do you think, Eggsy?” he asks gently. “Now or later?”

Eggsy doesn’t answer, just blinks at Harry, as though trying to get his brain to reboot. Taking pity on him, Harry tries to pick the best answer for him.

“We’ll do the tests now, won’t we Eggsy? Then we can figure out our options.”

Eggsy nods, the movement seemingly automatic, and Harry stands, moving closer to him to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. Across from them, Thomas nods and opens up the nearest cupboard. He passes Harry a small container for Eggsy’s urine sample and then tilts his head towards a door to the left.

“There’s a bathroom there for you to use.”

Harry nods and carefully leads Eggsy inside with a firm grip to keep him steady. When the door shuts behind them, Harry places the cup on the counter to one side and frames Eggsy’s face with both hands.

“Eggsy, are you alright?” he asks. “I know this is a shock.”

Eggsy blinks, finally moves his gaze to Harry’s face as though only just realising he’s there, and sounding stunned, says, “I’m pregnant.”

“Yes,” Harry answers softly. “So it would seem.”

He carefully tilts Eggsy’s face up to his own, rubbing his thumbs gently along Eggsy’s cheekbones. Eggsy covers Harry’s hands with his own and stares at him with watery eyes.

“What do we do?” Eggsy asks quietly. “Is this what we want?”

Harry leans down to press a kiss to the corner of Eggsy’s mouth and gently rests their foreheads together.

“My dearest,” Harry says. “I have already given you my thoughts on this. If this is what you want, then this is what I want also.”

Eggsy moves his hands away from Harry’s own, just long enough to wrap his arms around Harry instead and presses his face to the curve of Harry’s shoulder.

“Shit, Harry. This wasn’t how I saw my day going.”

Harry huffs a quiet laugh of amusement against the side of Eggsy’s head and then drops a kiss to it.

“The life of a Kingsman agent can never be predicted,” Harry tells him and Eggsy squeezes him tighter.

“Well, I wish that wasn’t true because this is ridiculous.” Eggsy draws away and stares at him expectantly. “What’s going to happen with work? Can I still go on missions?”

“We’ll have to discuss things with Merlin. We need to make sure all of our agents remain safe. The last agent to have a child was given a temporary desk job here at HQ. We can make arrangements accordingly.”

“ _Desk job_?” Eggsy complains. “I didn’t sign up for a desk job, Harry.”

“I know, my dear, but it will only be temporary.”

Eggsy sags against him and Harry holds him close, rubbing a soothing hand up and down his back.

“What are we meant to do?” Eggsy asks with a sigh.

“Right now,” Harry says gently, “You need to give a urine sample.”

Eggsy huffs a wet laugh against Harry’s shoulder and says, “Yeah, alright.”

It only takes a few seconds for Eggsy to partially fill the cup and Harry pauses him on the way out of the bathroom.

“Whatever the outcome,” he says quietly, “we’ll be just fine, Eggsy.”

He presses a quick kiss to Eggsy’s mouth and then follows him out.

“Here you go,” Eggsy says to Thomas, handing over the sample.

Thomas digs through the nearest cupboard and pulls out a small slip of paper that he drops into the sample.

“It should only take a few minutes,” Thomas tells them and Harry finds himself unable to look away from it the entire time. After a moment, Thomas says, “Congratulations are in order. This confirms that you are indeed pregnant, Eggsy.”

Eggsy lets out a whooshing breath and immediately presses a hand to his lower belly while Harry’s own stomach swoops. He glances over at Eggsy and can’t hold back his smile and Eggsy responds with his own tentative grin, reaching out a hand towards Harry, who takes it without thought.

“You’re going to be a dad,” Eggsy tells Harry, who feels defenseless and rather like someone could take him out right that second and he wouldn’t even put up a fight.

“You are too,” he replies, giving Eggsy’s hand a squeeze and for a second Eggsy looks taken off guard before he glances down his body.

“Fuck, I’m gonna be so huge.”

Harry laughs quietly and says, “That tends to be how pregnancy works.”

Across the room, Thomas clears his throat quietly and gets their attention.

“Are you both happy to have an ultrasound done?” he asks and Harry glances at Eggsy for his response.

“Yeah,” Eggsy says quietly. “We should check to make sure everything is okay inside, right?”

Thomas nods in agreement.

“We’ll have to move to the room across the hallway for the proper equipment.”

Eggsy nods and Harry lets him and Thomas lead the way out of the room and into the one opposite. It’s a larger room with a bigger examination table and more machinery. Harry shuts the door and watches Eggsy hop up onto the table, while Thomas gathers various things together and drags a rolling cart closer.

“Can you unbutton your trousers and push your shirt up?” Thomas asks, which Eggsy does and Harry steps to one side of the table, placing a comforting hand on Eggsy’s arm. “I’m afraid I haven’t had time to warm up the ultrasound gel.”

Eggsy pulls a face as said gel is squirted onto his stomach, but then he stares expectantly at the monitor that Thomas switches on. The picture flares to life as soon as the wand touches Eggsy’ stomach, but it mostly looks like a blur of static noise. Thomas makes a thoughtful noise, repositioning the wand on Eggsy’s lower abdomen.

“Ah,” Thomas says, pointing to the screen with the index finger of his free hand. “That’s your child right there.”

Eggsy blinks and says, “That’s a bean.”

Harry laughs and Thomas smiles in amusement.

“That’s rather accurate,” Thomas tells him. “You’re about six weeks along, judging by the size.”

“Six?” Eggsy repeats and Thomas nods.

“Your body has been up to all sorts without you even noticing. The split usually occurs after four weeks. You’ve got a long way to go yet, but if you decide it’s not the right time for a child, we can go through your other options.”

“No,” Eggsy says immediately, “I want to keep it.”

He glances at Harry as though to double check and Harry nods.

“I would like that too, Eggsy.”

Eggsy grins and stares back at the screen.

“Can we get a picture? My mum is going to have a cow.”

“The good sort, I hope,” Harry says and Eggsy snorts.

“She loves you, Harry. She’s going to be thrilled. Plus, she’s been dropping unsubtle hints about grandchildren for the past year.”

“The same as mine, then,” Harry says. “Except mine have been at it for twenty years or so.”

Eggsy laughs, still staring at the tiny shape on the screen.

“They’re going to flip their shit,” Eggsy tells him and Harry smiles.

“Something like that,” he agrees. “We’ll have plenty of people to mind the baby.”

Eggsy laughs again and says, “I haven’t even had it yet and you’re already trying to pawn it off on the grandparents.”

“You’re right,” Harry says. “They’ll have to take turns anyway. Though we could always have another so they can have one each.”

He says it to lighten the mood, which it does as Eggsy laughs, loud and bright, jostling Thomas’ hand enough that the picture of the baby disappears from the monitor.

“One at a time, Harry,” Eggsy tells him before pausing and frowning. “Unless it’s twins. It’s not twins, is it?”

Thomas readjusts the wand again and shakes his head.

“Just the one,” he confirms and Harry’s heart rate returns to normal once more.

Eggsy laughs and says, “You should see your face, Harry.”

“You’ve changed your tune,” Harry tells him, referring to Eggsy’s newfound humour, even after feeling so unsure only a few minutes before.

Eggsy smiles at him and then reaches out to grab his arm, pulling him closer.

“C’mere,” Eggsy says, tilting his head up for a kiss, which despite Thomas’ presence, Harry can’t help but give. It’s a soft, chaste kiss and Eggsy follows it with two others, just as quick and familiar, and then sits back again. “It just seems more manageable now, y’know? Doing this together.”

“You didn’t believe we’d be in this together?” Harry asks gently and Eggsy shrugs loosely.

“Just wanted confirmation,” Eggsy says.

“And you got it?” Harry asks, to which Eggsy nods.

“Just the way you look,” Eggsy says. “You’re going to spoil this kid rotten.”

It’s probably true. Harry already spends far too much money on Eggsy; the child will be much worse.

“Before then,” Thomas interrupts politely, “we need to set up periodic appointments for checkups. We want to be sure both dad and baby are happy and healthy.”

He wipes down Eggsy’s stomach, getting rid of the gel, and letting Eggsy get his clothes back into order.

“Set them up as necessary,” Harry tells Thomas. “We’ll work around you.”

Thomas nods and says, “If you wait here a moment, I can go create a schedule for you.”

Harry nods and waits for Thomas to leave before turning back to Eggsy.

“You’re sure about this?” he asks and Eggsy nods without hesitation.

“I’m sure because you’re sure, Harry. You have been from the start. I’m in good hands.”

Harry smiles and says, “Just remember that when you’re eight months pregnant and everything hurts.”

“Oh, you’ll hear about it,” Eggsy promises. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

“It won’t be,” Harry confirms and Eggsy nods.

“But it’ll be worth it,” Eggsy tells him and Harry can’t help but agree.

“And if all goes well, we’ll start thinking about giving the child some brothers and sisters.”

Eggsy snorts at Harry’s joke and tilts his head, staring at Harry fondly.

“Sure, Harry,” he replies. “If you say so.”

There’s a part of Harry that hopes it’s actually true, but he suspects that one child will be plenty to deal with for the time being. He leans in and presses a kiss to Eggsy’s mouth, giving him the barest flick of his tongue to make it just a tad dirty, enough to pique Eggsy’s interest.

“Is that how it’s going to be?” Eggsy asks when Harry draws away, his eyes bright with menace.

“I hear pregnancy can make one particularly insatiable,” Harry explains and the corner of Eggsy’s mouth quirks up.

“Not much different from normal then,” he says and Harry holds in a smile.

“It’s not as though you can become any more pregnant,” he deadpans and Eggsy’s look darkens.

“We can always make sure,” Eggsy tells him and Harry finds himself leaning in closer, his body buzzing with agreement.

“A Kingsman never half-arses anything.”

“You know you said we should take the rest of the day off?” Eggsy asks, his voice low and conspiring. “I think I know how we can spend it.”

By which Harry rather hopes Eggsy means the remainder of their day will be filled with Eggsy balancing on Harry’s knot and a string of hearty orgasms.

“Thomas can email us the schedule,” Harry says and Eggsy nods, already sliding off the examination table and heading for the door, grabbing Harry’s hand and pulling him behind. “We have far more important business to attend to.”

They can apologise later if need be, but for the time being, Harry plans on not letting Eggsy out of his sight, or his bed. He follows Eggsy as they sneak out of the medical wing with a grin and can’t help but feel that things will be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out on [Tumblr](http://blacktofade.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/eggsybacon) if you want to hear more of my gross, mushy-as-hell mpreg thoughts.


End file.
